- I turned a mom at 18, regardless of by no means planning to have kids.
- However I nonetheless prioritized my kids, educating them about tradition and permitting them to be curious.
- My parenting should have labored as a result of they’re changing into profitable adults.
After I was youthful, I by no means wished kids. Being answerable for one other particular person felt overwhelming and exhausting. Truthfully, changing into a dad or mum was not for me, particularly as a result of I wasn’t motherly.
However there I used to be, at 18, pregnant with my first baby. Impatient and simply irritated, I used to be about to turn into a mom. With a rising stomach, I attended my senior promenade and highschool commencement, watching my classmates embrace their newfound freedom whereas I confronted a totally totally different actuality.
The second I came upon I used to be pregnant, I knew one factor for certain: If I used to be going to do that, I needed to do it proper. There was no room for half-assing motherhood. I had seen too many examples of what occurred when folks weren’t intentional about elevating youngsters, and I refused to let my baby turn into a product of neglect or lack of steerage. Fortunately, all of it labored out in the long run.
I made a decision to embrace motherhood with dedication
Parenting is a fragile steadiness. I needed to not repeat the identical errors my mother and father made whereas unintentionally making a completely new set of errors. Nonetheless, my husband and I have been decided to create a house prioritizing love, self-discipline, and honesty.
We approached parenting with a transparent aim: We might lead by instance.
I used to be younger, however I wasn’t clueless. If I wished my (now two) kids to take faculty severely, they needed to see me taking life severely. So, I set the usual. I labored onerous, remained curious, and confirmed them what perseverance regarded like.
I attempted increasing their minds past the classroom
Past teachers, I wished them to have a well-rounded perspective on life. I gave them an appreciation for older music and totally different genres. Most youngsters their age know nothing about “Resort California” or The Rolling Stones, however my youngsters do. I taught them to take heed to the precise phrases of a music — not simply the beat. Music is storytelling, and I wished them to understand the artistry behind it.
I additionally taught them how you can assume for themselves, to query all the pieces, and to not blindly observe what everybody else was doing. We had deep conversations in regards to the world, about decision-making, and in regards to the significance of logic.
They noticed all the flicks I liked rising up, together with my favorites, “Forrest Gump” and “Clueless.”
I uncovered them to all sorts of meals so they might study totally different cultures and methods of cooking. I hoped they’d turn into curious in regards to the world past their quick surroundings.
My husband and I balanced one another out
To be sincere, I used to be by no means a “enjoyable mother.” My neurodivergence made me keep away from crowds, and after I did attempt to be enjoyable, it normally did not prove effectively. I wasn’t the mother signing up for each faculty occasion or planning extravagant events. That wasn’t and nonetheless is not my factor.
My husband, however, was the subject journey dad. He chaperoned faculty outings, guaranteeing the youngsters had enjoyable experiences whereas I recharged at dwelling. He was additionally the homework helper after I simply wanted time to breathe. We balanced one another out.
Elevating youngsters has by no means been about perfection. We realized it is about being current, accountable, and sincere. I by no means sugarcoated life for my kids. I instructed them the reality, confirmed them the results of their actions, and reminded them that whereas they have been liked unconditionally, expectations nonetheless needed to be met. There have been guidelines, however there was additionally area for laughter, actual conversations, and the understanding that we have been all rising collectively.
My youngsters at the moment are excelling
I should have achieved one thing proper. My 21-year-old daughter is at the moment in her junior yr at one in all Maryland’s high universities, excelling in her research as a pre-med public well being main.
My youthful daughter, now in eleventh grade, scored a formidable rating on her PSAT and even obtained a letter from Stanford College inviting her to a summer time program.
Trying again, I understand that the model of me at 18 — the one who by no means wished youngsters, who feared she wasn’t “motherly” sufficient — had no concept what she was actually able to.
Parenthood wasn’t one thing that got here naturally to me, however I confirmed up daily, dedicated to doing my finest. And, if my youngsters’ success is any measure of how I did, I might say I did not do too unhealthy in any case.
